Skills at Revision and Re-seeing My Work Introduction

To demonstrate my skills at revision and reseeing my work I chose my first paper “Family Ties”. This assignment was to “display form, focus, and organization.” They were to be “well organized, have an arguable thesis, concrete and specific examples and illustrations, incorporate text readings, and proofread for grammatical and mechanical error.” I chose the first paragraph to revise because it was a long paper, but most importantly it holds my thesis statement. Without a strong thesis statement it can confuse the reader and leave them trying to put pieces together.

In my original paper, my first paragraph doesn’t lead the reader to my thesis. My thesis statement just came out of nowhere. This was the first thing I had to work on. I also had some grammatical and mechanical errors that needed correction. You will see that in the last sentence, my thesis statement, after the word “experiences”. I also deleted quite a few sentences that didn’t need to be included.